Exercise is still wonderful stuff: it reduces the incidence of diabetes, dementia, depression and cancer, which is a pretty fine record, but it’s been sold to us as part of a weight-loss, stay young and beautiful programme. Those trim and toned people at the gym would be like that anyway; so would the sweating fatties who’d rather be anywhere else. Unfortunately, in a world where slim equals beautiful, those health benefits look like a poor second for selling leotards and jog pants.

On the Button

Belated congratulations to Jenson Button for winning the Formula 1 World Championship in succession to fellow Brit Lewis Hamilton. With the two of them teamed up for McLaren next year and Schumacher out of retirement, Formula 1 will be very high profile. That said, I don’t see loads of kids in replica motor racing overalls, complete with all those sponsors' logos. Surely this is a missed opportunity. Just, please, don’t start producing them in XXL, unless wearing them helps you sweat down to XL (see above).

Because it’s rubbish

I regularly see car stickers saying “because it’s Silverstone”, meaning that there must always be a British Grand Prix and it must be there. This is despite awful access, poor facilities and eye-opening prices. Bernie Ecclestone doesn’t see it that way and nor should the rest of the motor racing fraternity. But of course it has the great British god, tradition. Well, so did pick’n’mix at Woolworth’s.

Racing overalls for grannies

Who has not been nearly bowled over by an octogenarian on a mobility scooter doing 8mph on the pavement, texting their grandchildren the while? Anything that can give back freedom to the elderly is a great machine and I’m all for them. They are a tad exposed to the elements, however. Hence, appropriate coveralls to cope with our variable weather could be a good seller, and there are plenty of retailers specialising in the field. One such scooter, a three-wheeler, definitely thinks it’s got Harley Davidson genes. Can I suggest jackets featuring “Senile Delinquents Chapter”?

Electric sales

My local friendly cycle shop owner (actually he’s a curmudgeon who couldn’t sell the end of a rope to a drowning man) tells me that sales of electric bikes have risen in the recession. Apparently people are working out that commuting at 15mph is quite fast enough when you can use cycle and bus lanes and the machine takes away the unpleasant business of sweating up hills. Which only leaves the British weather to address. A visit to bike shops is indicated.

Rude as you like

I’ll bet every reader of P&P makes a big deal about excellence of customer service. Perhaps you’re all wasting your time. Ryanair seem to revel in their reputation for lousy customer service and plenty of us still travel with them. One marketing theory says that you need only offer two elements of good, fast and cheap. Ryanair get there as fast as the next guy, charging the lowest base price, so they obviously think a sod-you attitude covers the other bit. The question is – could they be right?

Mark my words

This morning, a telesales person called and asked to speak to Mark. Sorry nobody here called Mark. It happens that I know where this is coming from: a list which inadvertently got my first name wrong – eight years ago – and, Goldilocks-style, the mistake is still there. I find it a very useful filter. Any business working from a flawed list (I won’t be the only one) that hasn’t been updated in eight years is not somebody I want to trade with. I might start doing it on purpose.

Going down, going down

Predicting the outcome of football leagues at this point of the season is a mug’s game. However, at the time of writing, the full blown financial collapse of Portsmouth looks next to inevitable. Earlier in the season their fellow strugglers Hull City were reported to have major off-pitch problems. The mighty Liverpool have lost half of this season’s Champions League revenue and could miss out on all of next season’s. Even Manchester United have apparently been prevented from proceeding with a transfer due to financial constraints. Anyone supplying replica product to Premier league clubs must suddenly be rather twitchy.

Tweets and pokes

Having just done some research into the use of social network sites like Twitter and Facebook, it has become apparent that the digital divide has happened. Increasingly the nation (world?) is split between those who get information from these sites and elsewhere on the web and those who read newspapers and watch TV for the same purpose. The demise of print media has been long-heralded but most commentators can’t see it happening just yet. On the other hand, in selective areas it could easily come about. Imagine the effect on local newspapers (many of which are truly woeful) of a localised version of Facebook: free to access, content provided by the readers, updated constantly, modern and jaunty. It could operate in sections like a newspaper including a half decent business section (how nice would that be?). What’s more it could cover the sort of area most local businesses want to advertise in – a county or large city. The networks options on Facebook already allow a degree of localisation (eg communities based on a university) but I predict that some smart dudes are going to come up with the above format. They maybe did already and I missed it.

I feel your pain

Is sporting printwear a badge of suffering? The wearers boast their allegiance but they also advertise a sympathetic ear to fellow sufferers and suffering is often the lot of the sports fan. A quick glance at virtually any league table demonstrates that only the very top clubs win more than they draw and lose. American motor racing used to have the phrase ‘win on Sunday sell on Monday’. If it applied to league sports in Britain, most teams wouldn’t have a sponsor.

We-isms

I shouldn’t dislike we-isms as much as I do because they are what printwear is about – “we are members of the same team/business/supporters club; see, check out the logo”. But I do hate the verbal version: people referring to their sports team of choice as ‘we’ when they’ve never been to the ground is a particular tooth grinder. Worse are the extreme versions of we in couple-speak: “we are pregnant” and “we’ve been made redundant” being two especially irksome samples that I’ve heard recently. (The latter referred to just one partner getting the bullet, incidentally). Still, in all this there must be a business opportunity. It’s a long time since I saw a couple in his and hers jogging suits (white, for Pete’s sake: the memory is etched on my retinas). Perhaps the couple or indeed family uniform is due for a comeback, this time with home-designed personal logos. Creating and promoting family name logos and colour schemes could be very profitable – it’s essentially an extension of the principle of the clan tartan in Scotland, without being expected to wear a kilt. There are a number of genealogists offering access to family name logos on the web and anyone researching their family tree – it’s a popular pastime – should be a ripe target. As a tempter, there are three pages of Smiths in my local phone book.

Off the wall

This I love – green graffiti. The principle is that the ‘artist’ etches clean lines in the crud that covers buildings, walls and pavements using high-pressure hoses. Thus what is ugly becomes art. Better still, it becomes business. Have a look at greengraffiti.nl, a Dutch ad agency that builds this into poster campaigns for clients or London based Street Advertising Services. By the way, it’s entirely legal.

The cruellest cut

It has not been a happy time for Gillette. Within days of each other, Thierry Henry and Tiger Woods found their carefully polished reputations rapidly going downhill. All it needs is for Roger Federer to start smashing cuckoo clocks or being cruel to the cows the Swiss government has given him and Gillette’s huge investment in high profile brand ambassadors will be one of marketing’s all-time lemons. At least neither Woods nor Henry has grown a beard to hide behind.

Hot tip

The Gulf state of Qatar is making serious efforts to host the 2022 World Cup. Accepting that everybody should have a chance, there is a wee problem.  As a former Gulf-based expat I can report that June temperatures in the area regularly exceed 50 Celsius and that it gets awfully humid in July. Walking down the street is an unpleasant experience. Playing football? Forget it!

Printer friendly version

Email this article to a friend

Bookmark this

---